I ask people what is the most boring thing that can be telecasted on TV. Obviously you expect the guys to shoot off saying all the 5000 episode serials, never ending murder trials .You can in a way call it perdition to the guys watching along with their visceral mothers, sisters, grandmothers, great grandmothers. Well hell yes! even great -grandmothers, if they can survive in a 5000 episode serial surely they can do it outside the reel life!!!.
And what do we expect the fairer sex to say? Sports, news, history channels and so on? Hell yeah right yes, only if they were so interested in topics other than the mascaras. I just hate girls who say they hate sports. On the contrary I just love anyone who says that he/she hates GOLF.
Ohh before you actually shut down your window and complain saying why in the name of lord am I reading about a sport called golf, here it is - you never complained to your teacher when you were in history classes, you never complained to professors when you were learning about probabilistic determination of active ions in a polymer oxide. Hence you should never crib reading about a sport called ‘golf’
Golf requires just a ball, a stick and a hole. Now that combination usually excites people (oops did I say ‘usually excites’? that combination gives us more than the odd thrill isn’t it?) but not so when they are being used in a sport called ‘golf’.
If some one is dead interested in swinging a stick and striking a dead ball, then why play golf, come to me , I’ll show you a hundred oddballs whom I want to get knocked down by a swing of the stick. If some one is so interested in striking something with a stick, come to me, I have a job for you. All you have to do is take a full swing of your stick and strike it on my professor’s skull.
Before I even continue ranting about this ‘sport’ I cant help but question why is it in the first place called a sport at all. I believe it is as much as a disgrace to sport as it is to those beautiful lawns.
Coming back to what I started off with, how can some one actually watch an event like golf on t.v ? . When ever it is telecasted, I just feel like going and grabbing the player on the circuit and question him as to why he chose this way to torture us, couldn’t he come up with a more peaceful idea? Well people who play golf told me to give the game a few chances, well I did. On a number of occasions I sat down with a spicy chips packet to watch the totally non-spicy golf. I finished packets of those chips before the player actually swung his stick even once!. And finally when he finishes doing that, he gets a round of applause! for what? Just swinging a stick?. Well is this the easiest way to fame?. I can’t believe that the players actually assume that the rounds of applause that they get are for appreciation. They just are ‘thank you applauses’. Else why do you think the players get applauded even after a bad shot?. One begins to wonder if the audiences in a golf game are the most boring people on earth. But soon the audience reminds us that they are only second to the players on that list and hence the thank-you applauses for topping the boring charts. Once a player finishes his stroke, he is cheered on thanking him for taking the burden of being the most boring.
Actually this leads me to another theory; I’ve actually become a fan of this sport now!!!!
Lets call this theory ‘golf save our soul’ and this is how it works:
Girl friend: Ohh, you are the most boring I know. Let’s end it.
Guy: please wait a few days, there is a golf tournament coming up in the town, I’ll take you there and you’ll realize that I’m not bad.
That is the reason people come to watch golf. If you observe the audience carefully in a golf game, you can see the transformation of grim faces into cherubic, full of life ones. That is why you barely see intimate scenes between the couples in the audience, but by the end of the day they are all over each other.
So though golf still remains the most boring to watch on T.V it can serve as an escape route for many of us.
P.S: Statutory warning: Take a girl to a golf game only if your relation with her hit rock bottom, else you’ll end up taking your relation to the abyss.
