L.O.S.T

I walk the empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams......

Tweak the empty street part of the line and it summarizes my life beautifully and succinctly.

Well have you ever seen a marathon runner question himself why he was busting his lungs out trying to finish a damn race? Never, because a marathon runner knows where the finish line is, he knows he is done with it once he crawls over the finish line. Wish I were a marathon runner in real, all I had to worry about was to cross a damn white line.

But what do I do now? I don’t even know where that line is. I don’t even know how many oceans I’ll have to cross, how many tunnels I need to pass and how many hurdles I need to jump over. I’m like a feather being blown away in a zephyr, whilst everything around might feel gentle, I have no idea where I’m being taken to.

I guess I’ll have to blame myself for that, I never enjoyed running you see. I have always been a good athlete but I would end up questioning the sanctity of my mind for taking part in an event, where all you had to do is to run. Well, at least now I realize that the run was not aimless.

My friend nonchalantly quotes Jack Nicholson “When you are facing a gun, what is the difference if you are a cop or a thief?” When you know life is not going to be fair to you, what is the difference if you are a struggler or an achiever? So should I quote Murphy’s Law and say that everything was bound to go wrong and be content with it? No, I have never been a fan of laws, but always managed to ace Thermodynamics, that is another mind boggling contradiction in my life, about that some other day.

Well to pick a leaf out of my knowledge from thermodynamics and trying to be as pedantic as possible, I have come to a conclusion that randomness is the order of life.

Entropy in the universe continually increases; entropy is nothing but randomness of molecules. More the randomness of the molecules in my body, it is quite natural that my head turns in so many directions and it is natural that my mind vacillates between countless options.

So where am I going? When am I going to jump off this roller coaster which has nothing but promises to thrill me with its crests? I would say, much like my rant here.

Have you ever heard of stories, where a sailor claims that he had sailed half the ocean suddenly to find out that his boat lost its rudder. Well I’m that sailor, stranded in the middle of an ocean; don’t know why I set out to cross half the ocean in the first place and what is there on the other side that convinced me to get onto this boat?